Treadmill. Coffee. Life.

I was running in the treadmill for quite a few minutes. It's good for my heart, I told my self. It's one of the best ways to release the tensions you have. But at that moment, it's not just stress that came out. But also a lot of memories...

It was not my dream to be enrolled in a fitness gym. Not until that day. The day that I first experienced to be heart broken. That was during the second semester of my freshman year in Nursing. It was almost summer. My friends told me the news that she had another lover. But I never believed it at first. I was hoping everything for us will be fine. I thought she will be back for me.

Nevertheless, as I walked outside the campus thinking of her and me, I saw her with him; happy, in love. I wished that it was just a bad dream. But the pain was so real that I didn't even know how to breath. Suffocated with the naked truth in front of me. "I wanna die right now", was all that I ever said. Between death or life with heartache, I chose to live. "Why would I die for someone who doesn't care?", I asked myself. If I would die, the world would never stop. Her world would still revolve. Unprepared, I immediately decided to enroll in a fitness gym and had my first training while wearing jeans and a polo shirt. That day, I had a heartache but I found another love. I learned to love the gym.

Few years after, my passion in different workout routines have never ceased. After I passed the Nursing board exam, I enrolled in different fitness gyms from time to time. One day, while I was strolling inside Robinson's Place Manila, I found a booth featuring a new gym which was about to open. Fitness First. All I wanted was to ask the price but the receptionist told me their facilities first before the price. She took my twenty minutes only to find out that I cannot afford the membership fees. I was quite embarrassed when she asked me how much was my budget and I told her 1,000 pesos. She smiled when she revealed that their joining fees ranged 5,000 pesos above, plus, plus, plus..."Holy cow", I uttered. I was a newly registered nurse and jobless after all.

Thirty minutes passed and I was still on the treadmill. Sweat on my face and back. But I didn't mind. The memories were vivid enough like I was watching a television.

I was in Starbucks Midtown with my favorite mocha frappe. That was few weeks after I got the news that I passed the NCLEX-RN, an exam to be a registered nurse in the US and a few hours before my afternoon shift in Philippine General Hospital. And yes, I already have a job that time. There was something came into my mind that I should go inside the mall. I brought my coffee and kept on walking. Then at the center, I saw a mini booth of Fitness First. I was well entertained and to cut the story short, the price offered to me was easy. It was such a dream-come-true. I became a member.

There I was, running on the treadmill. Thinking of some of the chapters of my life that once gave me pain and beatitude. It's on the treadmill where I can make some realizations in life. It's where I can think of something that's worth a while and sink into oblivion the things that don't deserve to be remembered.

Almost 40 minutes of running, but I wasn't tired. I did some stretching, sipped a coffee and thought how beautiful life is.

Why did I hate Christmas?

I saw the Christmas tree inside a mall. I stood in front of it and realized that the holidays season is near approaching. I wondered why time flies so fast. It seemed like yesterday was Christmas and then, I heard Christmas songs again.

I stood in front of that Christmas tree.

" What are you going to cook for tonight mama?", I asked my mother.

" Of course, I won't forget your favorite pasta.", she replied.

Twelve midnight came. We were singing, dancing, eating. Perhaps, Christmas eve's the best time of the year. The only time when Santa would pay a visit and give me and my younger sisters a surprise. The next day, my uncle Dodo, auntie, cousins and family friends came to our house for the traditional Christmas family gathering. Then I dropped by to my god parents, for all we know, to have a gift. Then me and my cousins went to a department store for some sort of shopping and window shopping as well. Before the end of the day, we exchanged our gifts.

Dinner, picture-taking and then the sweet good byes. We spent another wonderful Christmas day. Seemed like an annual routine but something to look forward to.

How time flies so fast?

Year 2001. Months before Christmas. My uncle Dodo had a stroke for the second time. I was thinking that it was just the same as his first attack. But then, I was wrong. He got paralyzed, hooked to a mechanical ventilator and few days later, he died.

Christmas day became different since then. My cousins with their mother transferred to another place. After graduation in college, I went to Manila to take the board exam. Same year, I learned that my parents lived separately. A year after, my sister next to me have her own family.

Another Christmas day came, year after a year. Here comes 2010.

As I stood in front of that exquisite Christmas tree filled with fancy decors, I asked my self, "Why I don't like Christmas? Why I can't feel the excitement the way I used to be?" I answered, "Christmas trees, Christmas lights...they are all the same". They will just remind me of something that I want to experience again. Something that is beyond the bounds of possibility. So before I am going to shed a tear, I walked and went on to where I must go. I planned to hit the gym today and not to reminisce the past at all.

I know I must move on. Thanks to Facebook, I saw the pictures of my loved ones. They had wonderful pictures together. It feels great to see those smiles again. I missed them so much. Everything is not the same as before but everything is still beautiful. I must admit, I'm the only one who's still dwelling in the old lang syne. For the record, I did not hate Christmas, never at once.

Time to sweat! My next story maybe " Why I became a gym brat?" It's a long story :)

Thanks for reading.

Whatever happened to " Til death do us part"?

Cathy was so happy walking in the isle wearing her expensive wedding gown. She saw her groom standing, waiting for her in front of the altar. And she can see the happiness in his eyes. She couldn't wait to hold his hands, to kiss him after saying their vows to each other, to be pronounced as a legal husband and wife.

She was so happy. Two years ago. Because today, she is going to the court for their divorce hearing.

What happened to their vows? "Til-death-do-us-part" no more.

The story that I mentioned above is a reality that is happening to our society nowadays. Divorce, annulment, legal separation, etc. In Hollywood, it is not unusual. So it's a big question of mine that why after saying their sweet promises during their wedding day they will just forget it? What could be wrong? My parents got separated before for only a year but perhaps, it is their destiny to be together again. I knew their reason. And let's just say they have irreconcilable differences that later they were able to reconcile. But how about the other couples who have really decided to be part to each other? (Sigh)

Whatever happened to "Til death do us part"?

Career. For me, this is the primary reason why a lot of couples tend to end their marriage. Both are busy and so they give less and lesser time for each other. Especially if they have different goals and priorities. Maybe, that is what they label as irreconcilable differences. Although it depends but I just noticed that most of the Hollywood stars or even our local artists are on their second or third marriage. Personally, I cannot blame those people. Being famous, wealthy and influential can really change the way you are.

Temptation. Who cannot be tempted when a Paris Hilton ( for the guys) or Brad Pitt (for the ladies) will stand in front of you half naked? Well, that is just an exaggeration. Nevertheless, the reason of most of the annulments or divorces is "third party" or infidelity issues. I will not mention a name here but a lot of famous people here and abroad did have this kind of dilemma. I also heard that a lot of OFWs do have an extramarital affairs with their coworkers. They say it is due to home sickness. I don't want to be judgmental and say that they just let their selves to be succumbed to temptation. Because maybe, just maybe, they just fell in love again? Ouch...

Fell-out-of-love-thing. You said to your husband or wife, I will stay through thick and thin, in health and in sickness...blah, blah, blah. And now you just wake up and realized that you no longer love him or her. You saw the wrinkles or maybe the flappy stomach or the gray hair or the attitude that you did not expect to see. Or maybe you saw this lady or gentleman in the restaurant and wished that your partner would be like her or him. Or maybe you just want to be free again and hang out with your friends because your partner did not allow you to do it since you got married. And so many maybe's to justify that you no longer want to be with your husband or wife.

And now after reading those things that most of us would find as real, what do you think are the best ways to save the " Til death do us part"?

For me, having a quality time to each other is the best. Once in a while you go on dating just like before. No expectations and do not make your partner like a possession. It's not a crime to have a career but couples should never forget to talk what they have been through at the end of the day. Do not sleep at night with an unsettled argument. Always say "I love you". Always pray that God will guide each of you. And take time to reminisce the day you promised " Til death do us part."

And now, what's yours?

Life is beautiful

Several years ago, I happened to watch an Italian movie entitled Life is Beautiful. A blend of drama, romance, action and comedy set in the years before World War II. It's not all about the movie that I would like to elaborate more but it's the title. Life is beautiful. After then, it became a sort of an inspirational quote to me. In fact, it's one of my favorite.

Anyway, I really have no real intention in making this blog. As of now, I am making a lot of updates for this site and fo far, I am glad that my readers, meaning you, can interact in real time. You can hit the Like button of the famous Facebook. That is, if you like my site.

I do not know how to apply here the Open Graphic protocol, if it's possible. That means, when you LIKE this site, it will appear in your FB account and since then, any updates from here will appear in your wall. Just like a Fan page. Wow, how sophisticated is technology right now. But as I said, I don't know if it's feasible. However, I made a fan page so I can connect to a lot of people and so is this site. I do not intend to become famous. I just love writing and when people like my articles, it's such a wonderful feeling.

That's for now my beloved readers. I'll get back very soon.

Just a thought...

Am I lost?

I did not understand but it seemed like I was in a different world where almost everything was different from before. It's like I was having a culture shock. They say, no one is the same, a.k.a, everyone is unique. And yes it's totally unique. Indeed.

Gone were the days when my jokes could make others laugh. When people would listen if I needed to speak. Back when I knew how to be humble and be proud. They're gone...they're gone.

I tried to walk and kept walking believing that it might just me who have changed. But it was a futile journey. I realized that am not naive enough to comprehend that sometimes you have to leave a few enemies and lots of old friends for you to meet lots of new enemies and only a few friends. Sometimes you will experience a place where people, as countless as the sand, would never believe in your abilities. Where you need to be humble and forget to be proud. Where you can't talk and just listen. Where your jokes are not funny. Where your best is invisible. Where you feel you're just nothing.

So I momentarily stopped and asked my self again, " Am I lost?"
Then I knew I am not.
I kept searching and it took a while for me to learn that no one could find something that isn't missing. So I never found me, for I was never lost at all. It's just the world that surrounds me that keeps on changing. I just have to deal with it. Someday, I know I would depart again and discover new challenges.

This world of mine is just so big that part of it is yet to be discovered. And the greatest part of it? My loved ones and God. With them I could never be lost for they are the compass of my voyage.