Scattered Thoughts

I want to express the words that I want to write. But I just can't find the right alphabets, the right words, the right sentences, the right paragraph.

I can't find the right story. That's it.

All in my mind are just like the images above. ABSTRACT.

One hour and thirty three minutes.

I was just staring in the monitor, but still, my mind has scattered thoughts. I can't figure out what kind of story will I be writing. Will it be about the Martial Law in Maguindanao...or the continuation of my last blog about the Story of an RN...or any experiences or lessons I have over the past few days...

But I as I looked at these pictures, I can see there's a beauty in it. And that beauty suddenly made up my mind. It's like I found something. I must borrow the words of the Greek engineer Archimedes when he found the principle of density. "EUREKA!"

The words are bursting out of my brain!

This story is such a different kind of thing coz I found it not so intellectual or intriguing. This is just the bizzare side of me.

Everyone knows that abstracts have beauty. Only that not all can decipher their real meaning.

I truly appreciate the allurement of abstract images but I must admit that it's hard for me to understand them. It's not all about wisdom. Sometimes, people can see it's message but mostly with different perspectives. And it's maybe because their meaning can never be seen with the naked eye but thru emotions. Emotion can see things that most of us find obscure. Just like the abstract paintings. There are no mathematical formula or any scientific procedures for that. It's really difficult to interpret them and for sure, people will have different ideas. Because different people have different emotions at the same time.

But ooopss......

It seems that I am running out of words. And if you'll gonna ask me why?

My thoughts are just scattered again. And I don't understand.

Just like this one.

A story of an R.N.

2:30 p.m.

I was sitting in the departure area of NAIA3. I still had one hour before my flight and so I took a nap.

And before I knew it, a female voice was calling my name because I needed to board on the plane. She said, " It's time to go, sir. You must have slept very well."

"Yeah, I think so" I replied. And I we went inside the plane. The woman, who was a flight attendant, ushered me to my seat.

After the 13-hour trip, the sign "FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT" was switched on. And I heard the captain saying," Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Los Angeles International Airport."

"At last, finally. I'm here", I said. I felt like coming to the USA was the greatest success of my life.

I took a taxi from the airport to my apartment where my future colleagues were waiting. They welcomed me with a pizza party. Everything was wonderful except that I missed my love ones in the Philippines. How I wished that they were with me in that beautiful place. Yes, everything was beautiful.

Days and months and years have passed.

I had a green card. I was able to buy my own house and my own SUV. I had $145,000.00 in my bank account. I was able to purchase a condominium in The Fort in Manila. I was able to a have a European tour. I worked as staff nurse in L.A, California and Miami, Florida. I played twice in a casino in Las Vegas. I had a successful career.

Then suddenly I asked my self, " What happened to my friends?"

And so I decided to have a vacation once again in the Philippines. I looked for my classmates and former co-workers. I found my best friend in college and I was surprised.

He did not work abroad even a single year in his whole life. I told myself that he's not as successful as me. And I asked him why.

" Many nurses are cramming to leave this country. For them, working abroad means success. And staying here is a failure."

I was astonished with his response. With no doubt, what he said was real. Some students even took the "prestigious" BS Nursing because of their desire to live and work overseas. And because of it's promising greener pasture.

I was also wrong when I thought that my friend being stucked in the Philippines did not succeed. I saw that he was happy with his career life. I guess he had the same kind of happiness I have with my life.

And I realized that success doesn't rely on the things that you have purchased or the countries that you have been to. My friend was satisfied with everything he has done from our college years until that time we met again. That was another meaning of success to me. Satisfaction.

And I was not satisfied yet. I wanted to have millions of dollars in my bank account. I wanted to have my own hacienda. I wanted to travel a lot and learn different languages. I wanted more and more than I have.

I was wrong.

I was not as successful as my bestfriend.

3:20 p.m. NAIA 3

A woman woke me up. I knew she's a flight attendant.

"Oh my God! Am I late?" I asked the woman.

" No Sir, you still have 10 minutes to board the plane", she replied. " You must have slept very well?"

"Sounds familiar." I was talking to myself.

I went inside the plane. The flight attendant ushered me to my seat. I smiled.

Everything was a dream.

The Maguindanao Massacre Insights...

The Philippines is again in the spotlight of the international scene. But this is not the kind of recognition that we received when Manny Pacquiao got the title as one of the world's great boxer. It's all about crime.

The massacre of at least 57 innocent civilians in Maguindanao province led to international condemnation. According to media reports, Mayor Andal Ampatuan Jr., the mayor of Ampatuan town, is the main culprit. He made the order to kill those who were in the convoy of Mangudadatu's supporters, some family members and group of journalists to cover the candidacy for governorship of Buluan vice-mayor Esmael Mangudadatu. Also, there were 15 people who were unconnected with Mangudadatu: they were in two vehicles a short distance from the convoy and taken along with the others for the execution. The convoy was on their way to the provincial capital to file the candidacy papers of Mangudadatu for governorship in next year's national election. It is a position that Ampatuan's father had occupied unopposed since 2001 and which Ampatuan planned to contest to keep the seat in the family.

However, I would like to think out of the box here. Reports said that Mayor Ampatuan surrendered himself and was taken into custody. Ampatuan denies involvement: "The reason I came out is to prove that I am not hiding and that I am not guilty," he told local reporters. And that's exactly my point.

In my own opinion, Ampatuans are not really the criminal here. Someone is trying to set them up.

And how's that? I'm not sure yet.

According again to media reports, both the Mangudadatu and Ampatuan families have blood ties and were allies until the Mangudadatu's last year announced their challenge to governorship. Although the Ampatuan clan are known to run it's own private army but I believe they are not stupid enough to slaughter it's only potential political adversary. Perhaps they know that if that happens, automatically they will be the prime suspect. And yes, you may say that there were witnesses. But how sure are we that those are real witnesses? What if somebody out there planned the killings because he or she wants to be the next governor of the province and stop the Ampatuan dynasty that he/she has to sacrifice lives of other people? Or what if some secret organizations had arranged this hideous atrocity because the Ampatuans made an aberration that they didn't like?

And why is it that the worldwide conviction focuses only on the journalist victims?

I have so many questions. And I hope that these will not remain a question. There must be an answer.